My Past, Present and Future

As I reflect on my first semester as graduate student I can't help but think about how much my life has changed. Leaving my family, full-time job and moving 1,000 miles away from home to be a full-time student has been quite the experience. Before starting school my life was about working, relaxing, spending time with my family and going out. I stressed about things like what to wear, where to go out and work. Living at home I had very little privacy but I never felt lonely. I remember vividly sitting out back watching kids play outside, enjoying the scent of a barbecue grille burning and seeing familiar faces pass by.

My life now consists of reading, writing papers, staying up late and drinking redbulls. I find myself stressing about school, not having enough money and being away from my family. As a graduate student I often reflect on life, purpose and meaning. Life is up and down and unexpected at times but I am learning to appreciate it all. I love being around people who are inspiring, I enjoy attending campus events and listening to great speakers. Being in this environment pushes me to succeed and provides me with a glimpse of my desired future.

I work and go to school on a beautiful campus and enjoy the California weather. Yet, I often wonder about home and the people there. I can hear the voice of a single mother calling her kids in to eat or the staggering walks of a drug addict desperately trying to find his next high. I envision the kids playing out back wearing clothes full of dirt and holes in their shoes. My distinct realities often confuse me and force me to conform to my present reality. Here life is so beautiful, grand and filled with endless opportunities. I dream, envision and accomplish. Back home the reality of life keeps me on my toes. I am alert, aware and alive.

Although both worlds seem different, I carry a piece of them everywhere I go. My community is a part of my journey and I never forget where I come from. I breathe history, culture and tradition. I empower, teach, learn, guide and support. I have hope that days will get better, more become educated and rise above and beyond the environments that too often keep us down. I envision a brighter future and a better tomorrow. Whenever I feel like my days are filled with endless stress, confusion and doubt, whenever I feel like complaining or giving up I stop and think of them: my community, my family, my people, my world and I remind myself that things aren't so bad. I walk with my head high and remind myself that my life isn't just about me. Everything that I do, ever action that I take is based on my desire and willingness to inspire and help others.

¡Si Se Puede!

Leaders that LEAD...

I was once told by a psychologist that I was a reactionist. I react to many things however my reaction varies depending on what is being discussed. For instance, diversity and inclusion is a topic that brings passion and emotion to my conversation especially being on a predominately white campus.

I had been sitting in my class for the past five weeks listening to people dance around issues of race and ethnicity for fear of being judged. As a class we had no problem discussing gender, religion, group dynamics, functions of authority etc. With a class of about a hundred students I can see why bringing up this topic can be a challenge. So I decided once and for all that I would do it. I would create a voice for myself and for others by discussing issues that get swept under the rug.

In doing so, I created anxiety and challenged people's perspectives. It's okay to disagree because everyone has something to offer that is valuable. I did not bring up these issues in order to provide answers or solutions. My intent was not to provide a recipe on how to handle or deal with race and ethnicity but rather create dialogue. You see, I think its worse if we choose to ignore or pretend that these issues don't exist. Its worse to sweep these issues under a rug and treat them as if they don't matter. I wanted to create conversation and get people thinking even they choose not to agree with me.

Speaking up in class was not an easy task and as I reflected back on what happened I realized that as a leader there are things I must work on. My reaction. I personalize responses and feel the need to defend myself especially when people offend me. In doing this I wonder how I make others feel and how I am being perceived? Am I doing a disservice by acting out of emotion and making it about myself? A leader that leads can own their responsibility and take the heat. I have reflected and processed what happened over and over and have come to the realization that instead of reacting I should have proposed questions. I should have given the work back and allow people to think critically for themselves. I have been defending myself my whole life (I'm tired) and besides the issue isn't just about me.

Therefore, in response to what someone else said in class for using the term "race card," I should have not reacted personally. Yes words such as these trigger something in me but saying "you offended me" is a lot different than "I feel a response to the term race card why do you think that might be?"

As a leader who leads I have potential to grow and learn. I am brave, outspoken and articulate. I did something others refused to do and I give myself credit for that. I love challenging people and thinking outside the box. I spoke with my authentic voice and will continue to do so. I have been blessed with many opportunities and will use my voice with integrity and passion because I am here to serve and represent my community!

¡Si Se Puede!

Leaving a Legacy...

Receiving an education is significantly important to me. This is why one of my ambitions is to finish graduate school and receive a master’s degree in higher education leadership. My intent of finishing graduate school is not only to make a better life for myself but to prove to others what they thought was impossible.  Some people, who have the opportunity to go to college, go because their parents expect it of them, for me, it is different. I want to be successful and be an example to my family and other inner-city youth. My life is about paving the way and setting high standards. I want to demonstrate to myself, to my community and society that I am capable of achieving whatever comes to mind. Not always with success but with the ability to learn from my mistakes.

As so many have played in integral role in providing access to higher education for me, it is my duty and desire to do the same for others and nurture the life long learner in myself. My ambition is to work in higher education. I want to start off broad, working in different areas: academic advising, resident housing, student affairs, and/or financial aid. Having wide range of experiences will give me the opportunity to gain different perspectives, skills and allow me to be a well-rounded working professional. Eventually, I want to work at a community college providing resources and support systems to disadvantaged students something similar to the Educational Opportunity Program. I want to work for an organization that respects, honors and embraces a successful professional working mother because I plan to have kids in the future.

My aspirations consist of family values: service, empowerment, and community. It’s about giving back and educating my community. An aspiration for me is having a scholarship foundation in which I give undocumented students scholarships to pursue their dream of obtaining a higher education. Through my accomplishments I hope to inspire others to follow their dreams. I want to empower young people through education. As first generation Latina I want to leave a legacy to be remembered as a hard working citizen who through hard work and dedication was able to receive an education and use it to empower and educate students who were once in her footsteps. I want to be an example for students of color, my nieces and nephews that regardless of their circumstances that they too can achieve anything they put their mind to.  To close, an aspiration of mine has always been to be a role model and educate my family in order to break the mold that they have been perpetuating for themselves and what society has been perpetuating to them.


¡Si Se Puede!