Congratulations to Class of 2011!

Congratulations to Laura, Nick, Jackie, Jasmine, Sara, Christina & Jacqueline!
You will be missed! Best of luck to you all!

The Banking System

In preparation for my exam in  Dynamics of Race, Gender, and Culture  I thought I would take some time to reflect upon the work of Paulo Freire. In class we discussed Pedogogy of the Oppressed and we came across a problem posing concept of education and the banking system. The banking system suggests that education becomes an act of depositing. The teacher becomes the oppressor; they are  seen as knowledgeable and "fills" the student with information. In contrast the student becomes the oppressed; they are seen as passive, unquestioning, and are judged on how much information they can "contain".

With this this said, as I sit here studying for my exam I cannot help but think about the system in place that continues to oppress us as students. I am studying concepts and terms trying to familiarize myself with the definitions and meanings that have been presented to us in class. We claim to acknowledge that this form of oppression exists within the system and we even go as far as dedicating our class to learning about this but I am still troublesome and bothered by the idea of having to continue abide by this system of oppression. I, along with my fellow classmates have been forced to memorize mechanically the content that has been given to us over the course of the semester in exchange for a grade. Again, I cannot help but think about the work of Freire. What is the point of ackowledging his work if we continute to perpetuate this system of oppression?

I will close by saying, "In order for the oppressed to be able to wage the struggle for their liberation, they must perceive the reality of oppression not as a closed world from which there is no exit, but as a limiting situation which they can transform" (p. 49). My situation is limited for the moment as I will continue to study, go to class, and do my work in exchange for a degree. But be prepared, for when I leave this institution, I WILL liberate myself and transform the world!

Si se puede!

Thank you!

When I think back on my semester I cannot help but think of the incredible women who have been apart of the ups and downs. I thank these  beautiful women and my professors for space created where all of us can come together and share our fears, challenges, joys of life, and what matters most. It has been crazy semester but we did it! We did it together...I thank you for the laughs, tears, and great memories!

Jackie, Jaclyn, Irma, Stephanie, Jamie

The Role of an Advisor

In my work with student leaders over the past year I have experienced with my students feelings of accomplishment, doubt, confusion and joy. My role as an advisor has given me the opportunity to learn about student development and how that relates to my work and the work they do everyday as leaders of their school and community. I realized that as an advisor the important skill to have is to ask the right questions in order to get students to think critically about themselves and the work they are doing. With the right questions you put the work back in the hands of the students rather than giving solutions.

What I will take away from this experience is that although at times I felt like the message was conveyed and there was an accomplishment made by my student there still exist areas of improvement. Progression is never constant. I have learned that while things change constantly it is important to recognize that the role of the advisor is not to always have all the answers or the solutions its about creating a space for recognition and support. Recognizing their success, failures, achievements, and who they are as individuals. Our work is more than meeting with a student it is about creating supporting relationships and guiding them through the ups and the downs. It is about using teachable moments to help them become future leaders of this world.  

Si se puede!

Pura Vida

A Journal Entry: Cahuita, Costa Rica March 19, 2011

It’s been 3 days since I wrote but I’ve been too tired at night to write so I’m sitting here at 6:45am at the Cahuita National Park sitting on a bench enjoying the beautiful view of the ocean while the jungle sits behind me with all the wildlife. The sound of the crashing waves is soothing to my ears. This week has been full of adventure, laughs, new relationships and excitement. What I bring back with me is not only the beauty of this country but the wonderful people who have been the best part of the experience. I just heard a howling monkey! This is amazing!!! The fun filled adventures challenged me to the fullest, waking up at 5am, bike riding through loose gravel in the mountains, feeling the strenuous pain in my hands over and over as I hold on to my life, braking down the hills was painful but yet unexpected. Meeting a woman, Eloisa from Chihuahua was unexpected. Every action, every tree, every animal, every insect, every bite of food, every single view was unexpected. This experience has taught me so much about life and about nature. There is a whole world out there filled with adventure but I must be willing to let go and be free. Free myself from a life full of materialism, selfishness, misery, complaining, bitterness, hate, racism. Its time to appreciate small things in life, smile more, live, laugh and love everything around me.

I thank God for this opportunity I have been blessed in so many ways. Just being able to see parts of the world has been the most amazing part of my life. I wish my family can be here. I wish they can experience this with me but they are, they are here in my heart. I carry them with me everywhere I go. They have shaped me. I need to be more graceful for these opportunities, be thankful for this beautiful life God has given me.

Whitewater rafting was fun, I was scared to fall out. I cannot explain what this means what it is I cannot compare it to anything else because I’ve never experienced it or seen it before. All I know is that this place, this trip, this adventure has brought so many warm thoughts and feelings it has brought fear, challenge, and excitement in my life. I want more. I want to feel more of this. It brings me alive it gives me meaning of what it feels like to be human. All the feeling rushing through my body reminds me how alive I am in the moment. I feel excitement, I feel adventurous, I feel ALIVE! Going back to my everyday life after this will be difficult but it will be a learning opportunity a way to understand my life and have time to plan my own. What do I want from life? I have no idea but God has a plan for me  I know he does and whatever that is I will be thankful for. Whatever my plan in life is whatever awaits for me ahead  I know that it was all meant to be. PURA VIDA!

The Mayan Experience

My experience in Guatemala is difficult to put in words after days of learning and reflecting on a country that has experienced so much trauma, tragedy, and loss. Although at times it was difficult for me to take in the reality of this country and what I saw from my very own eyes, I managed to see the light in the little triumphs that were mentioned and shared in class. However maintaining a positive attitude on the future of this country was my biggest challenge. Many times I would smile, laugh and pretend as if my outer reflected my inner thoughts. Yet deep inside my heart cried and crumbled as stories were shared and new points were learned.

Most of my reflection took place on the van as I looked out the window and I never imagined how different life would be here. As I stared through the glass I paid close attention to the people walking the streets. I often wondered if they were walking to work or school or if they even had the privilege of having a job or school nearby? I also wondered if their walk was one, two or ten miles away? I began to reflect on my life imagining myself walking for hours and hours just to get to school. Too often I take for granted my means of transportation. I could not imagine what it would be like to walk miles to get to school. I can already hear myself complaining about the bright sun and long distance.

In other words, as I sat there comfortably in the seat of this van, enjoying the air conditioner and music coming from my iPod I felt a sense of guilt. This overwhelming sense of guilt forced me to think of my life and the privileges that came along with it. After careful reflection on myself I began to generalize my perceptions and ask myself questions. Why is life unfair to some and not others? Why are there so many injustices in the world? Everything I read about Guatemala was staring me in the face: poverty, racism, classism, malnutrition, violence and fear. The observations I made day to day forced my mind to think critically of my life and to be honest I resented the idea of having to think this way.

           

Originally I came to this country open minded willing to learn about history, culture and tradition with hopes of gaining a better understanding of what it means to be a Guatemalan. Yet this learning and experience came to me like a bright light glaring into my eyes not allowing me to see clearly. As much as I wanted to avoid the reality of this country or take a break from the truth; I could not. I was surrounded in everyway possible by the consequences of the war. Even if I was in my room or having a delicious dinner I could not get away mentally. While the class chatted about assignments or personal life I continued to reflect on this reality and I was often left drained. The connection that I had to the Mayan people came from my experience as a Mexican descendant living in the U.S. I resonate with feelings of isolation, inferiority and discrimination.

In my attempt to learn about a particular culture I eventually learned more about myself. My thoughts, feelings and emotions triggered in me the desire and passion to help others. I urged myself to look beyond the immediate picture because there is always something more. There could be history, culture, potential, and disaster but at the same time there can be an opportunity to make a difference in a positive way. The glass is never half empty. Guatemala will always hold a special place in my heart. The memories, stories, sites, and the people have all contributed to my personal growth not only as a person but as a woman of color. I am thankful and grateful that I have been given the opportunity to see the world from a different perspective.

The celebration of “el cristo negro” was a highlight of my experience because I was able to understand the importance of religion for the Guatemalan people and how this plays a significant role in their lives and way of healing. I was also surprised to see how people were able to move on from the war without feeling hate or resentment. Xmucane is an incredible role model of what it means to be at peace and let things go that fill you with hatred. She is inspiring and empowering because even with all that she has endured she continues to walk with her head high. Julio Cochoy taught me the importance of breaking silence. The last part of his presentation was powerful when he asked the group to share their personal traumas. He helped me realize that every single person has trauma and we must find ways to confront it so that we can begin the process of healing. 

To close, the best advice I took from this trip was to expand my learning. Yolanda Colom discussed the importance of stepping outside our comfort zones. When we become too specialized we get stuck in our ways of thinking and learning. It is always important to learn about the opposing side even if we do not always agree with them because even the opposing side has a mind of their own. I will carry this in the work that I do by being open and willing to see all sides of the story. A quote that reminds of Yolanda’s advice is, “If you can control a man’s thinking, you don’t need to worry about his actions.” We cannot be ignorant of issues that affect us all!

Si se puede!

Chasing A Dream

They told me I would never do it;

I would never achieve it.

The odds were against me;

a daughter of an illegal alien is all they see.

My sister pregnant at sixteen;

forced to be a mother, when she was only a teen.

Visits to see my brother behind bars

left my mother wounded with deep scars.

Santa Maria Madre de Dios were the words of my mother in desperation;

praying and wishing for a salvation.

Childhood memories left me with no voice,

but choosing this road was my choice.

Call it transformative if you choose,

because there was no way I was going to lose.

Si se puede was the echo in my ear,

telling myself there’s nothing to fear.

Wanting to be a good role model is what got me here.

Telling my family to not believe what they hear.

I am NOT lazy, pregnant or dumb;

look at what this fine lady turned out to become.

All the bad in my life turned out to be good

and it was all because I grew up in the hood!

I was only a girl; chasing a dream;

but it’s not what it seems.

I’m not suppose to be here is what they had me believing,

had me thinking that the best choice for me was leaving.

Realized that I had a drive to exercise my right,

I will not leave in fact I’m back again for another fight.

Out of this world, out of your reach,

you have nothing to give me; nothing to teach,

Only your history that has nothing to do with me;

negative portrayals of my people is what you want me to see.

How do I grow up loving myself?

When all I see are bad representations of me.

Is this who you want me to be?

Creating self hate is that my true fate?

I came for the degree not your oppression;

But it all started with capitulation.

Leading to self alienation;

taking away my culture and history through exploitation.

But I am fighting to reclaim and bring back my culture;

It’s time for REVITALIZATION!

“Education is suffering from narration sickness” (2010, 71)

all this banking education is creating an illness.

Mechanically memorizing what we are taught;

not leaving room for our personal thought.

Struggle begins with recognition;

it’s time for liberatory education.

“Critical consciousness cannot occur

if students are passive receptacle of information” (2010, 54)

I was only a girl; chasing a dream;

but it’s not what it seems.

Look at me now;

Twenty-seven years later and I still got to bow.

A college educated Latina still fighting the odds;

Fighting for respect from people who think their gods;

Wanting their approval when all she gets are nods.

The pyramid I climb is not socially constructed;

based on power and dominance that make it destructed.

The pyramid I climb was built by the Aztecs;

My CULTURE

                       EDUCATION

                                         And EXPERIENCE

                                                                        Share the same aspects.                                    

Rags to riches?

Isn’t that what we all poor kids aspire to be?

Capitalism corrupting the existence of me.

So tell me who is that you want me to be?

The working-class Mexican who grew up with no dad;

living on welfare because we had it that bad?

Or the does College Educated Hispanic meet your demands;

the one with a Beemer who wears designer brands?

You see it don’t matter how hard I try;

because I am still left wondering if this was even worth my try.

How do I tell you what I’m feeling inside?

When my spirit is tired; looking for places to hide.

The island I live on gets very lonely;

It’s as if no one knows me.

How I do get my family to see;

when they don’t even know what its like to get a degree?

What must I do for you to see me;

To get you to understand what it’s like to be me?

SUCK it up Irma! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!

because no one cares if you relapse.

I was only a girl; chasing a dream;

But it’s not what it seems.

Life can take you so many places;

Meeting and greeting all different races.

I feel like I’m on a road with no destination

Just hoping to be a better citizen of this great nation.

So open your eyes before you die;

Stop pretending and living a lie.

I’m paving the way and making big changes;

Hoping and wishing for better exchanges.

I never forget what I’m worth;

because this is the beginning of my new birth.

No ring on this finger, not a great cook

and all it took was for me to pick up a book.

I was only a girl; chasing a dream;

But it’s not what it seems.

Creating Your Community

When I think of my community I think of my home, a place where I find comfort, pleasure, and a welcoming environment where most share the same values, ideals, and experiences. My "home" however is far from reach I am thousands of miles away from my comfort, pleasure, and community.

I think having a community is vital because it gives you a sense of belonging and reminds you of who you are. Coming to USD I knew that it was important for me to create a community for myself and be around people who shared similar goals and experiences in order to feel at "home". When you are constantly reminded of how different you are you have no choice than to create a community for yourself and that is exactly what I did.

When I think of my community I think of the Center for Inclusion and Diversity (CID). The CID is my home away from home. It is a place in where I feel welcomed, respected, cared for and acknowledged. A place where I am not afraid to be myself and be judged. A place where people understand my experiences and accept me for who I am.  I consider this community as Ernest Boyer defines, a just community. Prejudice and arrogance are the enemies of a just community and "is a place where diversity is aggressively pursued".

Unfortunately, one is not always going to be received with open arms or welcomed the way we wish to be welcomed. Therefore, I have learned that you must create a space for yourself, you must be proactive and take part in a community that will make you feel welcomed, respected, and cared for. We must be willing to search for that space, that community we have desired and wanted all this time.

Si se puede!

My Past, Present and Future

As I reflect on my first semester as graduate student I can't help but think about how much my life has changed. Leaving my family, full-time job and moving 1,000 miles away from home to be a full-time student has been quite the experience. Before starting school my life was about working, relaxing, spending time with my family and going out. I stressed about things like what to wear, where to go out and work. Living at home I had very little privacy but I never felt lonely. I remember vividly sitting out back watching kids play outside, enjoying the scent of a barbecue grille burning and seeing familiar faces pass by.

My life now consists of reading, writing papers, staying up late and drinking redbulls. I find myself stressing about school, not having enough money and being away from my family. As a graduate student I often reflect on life, purpose and meaning. Life is up and down and unexpected at times but I am learning to appreciate it all. I love being around people who are inspiring, I enjoy attending campus events and listening to great speakers. Being in this environment pushes me to succeed and provides me with a glimpse of my desired future.

I work and go to school on a beautiful campus and enjoy the California weather. Yet, I often wonder about home and the people there. I can hear the voice of a single mother calling her kids in to eat or the staggering walks of a drug addict desperately trying to find his next high. I envision the kids playing out back wearing clothes full of dirt and holes in their shoes. My distinct realities often confuse me and force me to conform to my present reality. Here life is so beautiful, grand and filled with endless opportunities. I dream, envision and accomplish. Back home the reality of life keeps me on my toes. I am alert, aware and alive.

Although both worlds seem different, I carry a piece of them everywhere I go. My community is a part of my journey and I never forget where I come from. I breathe history, culture and tradition. I empower, teach, learn, guide and support. I have hope that days will get better, more become educated and rise above and beyond the environments that too often keep us down. I envision a brighter future and a better tomorrow. Whenever I feel like my days are filled with endless stress, confusion and doubt, whenever I feel like complaining or giving up I stop and think of them: my community, my family, my people, my world and I remind myself that things aren't so bad. I walk with my head high and remind myself that my life isn't just about me. Everything that I do, ever action that I take is based on my desire and willingness to inspire and help others.

¡Si Se Puede!

Leaders that LEAD...

I was once told by a psychologist that I was a reactionist. I react to many things however my reaction varies depending on what is being discussed. For instance, diversity and inclusion is a topic that brings passion and emotion to my conversation especially being on a predominately white campus.

I had been sitting in my class for the past five weeks listening to people dance around issues of race and ethnicity for fear of being judged. As a class we had no problem discussing gender, religion, group dynamics, functions of authority etc. With a class of about a hundred students I can see why bringing up this topic can be a challenge. So I decided once and for all that I would do it. I would create a voice for myself and for others by discussing issues that get swept under the rug.

In doing so, I created anxiety and challenged people's perspectives. It's okay to disagree because everyone has something to offer that is valuable. I did not bring up these issues in order to provide answers or solutions. My intent was not to provide a recipe on how to handle or deal with race and ethnicity but rather create dialogue. You see, I think its worse if we choose to ignore or pretend that these issues don't exist. Its worse to sweep these issues under a rug and treat them as if they don't matter. I wanted to create conversation and get people thinking even they choose not to agree with me.

Speaking up in class was not an easy task and as I reflected back on what happened I realized that as a leader there are things I must work on. My reaction. I personalize responses and feel the need to defend myself especially when people offend me. In doing this I wonder how I make others feel and how I am being perceived? Am I doing a disservice by acting out of emotion and making it about myself? A leader that leads can own their responsibility and take the heat. I have reflected and processed what happened over and over and have come to the realization that instead of reacting I should have proposed questions. I should have given the work back and allow people to think critically for themselves. I have been defending myself my whole life (I'm tired) and besides the issue isn't just about me.

Therefore, in response to what someone else said in class for using the term "race card," I should have not reacted personally. Yes words such as these trigger something in me but saying "you offended me" is a lot different than "I feel a response to the term race card why do you think that might be?"

As a leader who leads I have potential to grow and learn. I am brave, outspoken and articulate. I did something others refused to do and I give myself credit for that. I love challenging people and thinking outside the box. I spoke with my authentic voice and will continue to do so. I have been blessed with many opportunities and will use my voice with integrity and passion because I am here to serve and represent my community!

¡Si Se Puede!

Leaving a Legacy...

Receiving an education is significantly important to me. This is why one of my ambitions is to finish graduate school and receive a master’s degree in higher education leadership. My intent of finishing graduate school is not only to make a better life for myself but to prove to others what they thought was impossible.  Some people, who have the opportunity to go to college, go because their parents expect it of them, for me, it is different. I want to be successful and be an example to my family and other inner-city youth. My life is about paving the way and setting high standards. I want to demonstrate to myself, to my community and society that I am capable of achieving whatever comes to mind. Not always with success but with the ability to learn from my mistakes.

As so many have played in integral role in providing access to higher education for me, it is my duty and desire to do the same for others and nurture the life long learner in myself. My ambition is to work in higher education. I want to start off broad, working in different areas: academic advising, resident housing, student affairs, and/or financial aid. Having wide range of experiences will give me the opportunity to gain different perspectives, skills and allow me to be a well-rounded working professional. Eventually, I want to work at a community college providing resources and support systems to disadvantaged students something similar to the Educational Opportunity Program. I want to work for an organization that respects, honors and embraces a successful professional working mother because I plan to have kids in the future.

My aspirations consist of family values: service, empowerment, and community. It’s about giving back and educating my community. An aspiration for me is having a scholarship foundation in which I give undocumented students scholarships to pursue their dream of obtaining a higher education. Through my accomplishments I hope to inspire others to follow their dreams. I want to empower young people through education. As first generation Latina I want to leave a legacy to be remembered as a hard working citizen who through hard work and dedication was able to receive an education and use it to empower and educate students who were once in her footsteps. I want to be an example for students of color, my nieces and nephews that regardless of their circumstances that they too can achieve anything they put their mind to.  To close, an aspiration of mine has always been to be a role model and educate my family in order to break the mold that they have been perpetuating for themselves and what society has been perpetuating to them.


¡Si Se Puede!